New Theme

Haven't been here in a while, I hope all is well.  Lots of changes in life.  Earned my bachelor's degree, working on my MBA, flew on a plane for the first time, went up North for the first time in my life (had never been out of the South before) ... 2017 has been pretty interesting.  There's been a lot of heartache but a lot of good times, as well.

I wanted to liven up the old blog with a new theme, and I think this amazing skyline with water rolling across the beach fits that bill.  With school and work, I can't promise regular posts, but I will do my best.  If anyone is still out there, thank you for reading.  I'm pretty exhausted or I would probably post more.  But this is enough for now.  Until next time.

Buh-Bye, January

Today is the last day of January 2016. I have to say, this has been a bit of a rough year starting out. We've lost an alarming number of talented individuals: David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Glenn Frey, to name a few. I was shocked and saddened to hear of their passing. I adored David Bowie. I loved Alan Rickman in so many of his roles, from Colonel Brandon in Sense & Sensibility to, of course, Snape in the Harry Potter series. And Glenn Frey was amazing in his solo career as well as with the Eagles. They will be greatly missed.

I don't think that death is something to dwell on overmuch. I suppose it is the finality of it all that frightens me sometimes. I feel like there's so much left to do, and I certainly hope there's time to experience it all ... I feel like I'm just getting started, for the most part.

A very precious person to me left this life a couple years ago, as those close to me know. I still mourn his passing, and I miss him very much.  I dreamed about him the other night. He was laughing and smiling, and it was like getting back time I didn't get to spend with him. It was bittersweet, but it was certainly wonderful to see him smile.

So we bid another quickly gone month adieu. I look forward to spring so much! It may be premature, but I look forward to warmer weather once again.

Until next time!

Tunnel Vision and Rose-Colored Glasses

I've been watching a lot of the BBC series Broadchurch lately.  I recently started Season 2.  This isn't really a review of that series, just commentary that I find the series that riveting.  I'm always looking forward to the next episode as it reveals its plot(s) and characters layer by layer.  It also has made me look at things differently.  While it is basically a procedural drama, there's more to it than that, and I can't quite put my finger on it.  But it helps me to see and realize the secrets people keep, how people can hide who they truly are, both the good and atrocious.

I tend to see people ... maybe how I want to see them.  And the truth hurts miserably when the true picture becomes clear, but it has to be faced, eventually.  It really makes me question how I get things so wrong sometimes.  Why am I so blind to what is truly going on?  Why is it that I'm usually the last to know pretty much anything?

In Broadchurch, the characters find themselves facing very ugly truths about their lives, their families, and even themselves.  Even more difficult is the journey to a place of some form of normalcy, or at least a way to deal with the horrors and revelations at hand. And sometimes there's the issue of realizing ... there is no going back to what was.

One of the characters is asked, and asks herself, why didn't you know?  But again, that's the question, isn't it?  How could you know something is wrong when you trust someone?  But if you truly loved and trusted someone, how could you not know what they are capable of?

It's hard to talk about the series without giving away much, so my apologies for the vagueness.  I think we find a bit of ourselves and/or our lives in our favorite television series and movies, and for me, Broadchurch is no different.  We don't want to believe the worst about the people we care about, but sometimes those are simply things we must face.  The hurt thereafter can be unbearable, but survivable.

It's just a shame that the truth has to be so blasted ugly.

Writing and Schooling

I am snowed in currently, but this post isn't about all the beautiful white NOPE that's going on outside.  Well, maybe it sort of is, but the focus here is mostly regarding two of the four things floating around in my mind, as referenced in the title.  I'm certain I'll have my answer soon, hopefully by next month, on what I need to do in regard to these two very important things in my life.

Let's be honest - my writing has suffered tremendously the past couple of years, not that anyone has read my more recent works outside of my blog.  It is my attempt to keep my writing unpublished until it is ready.  I have published pieces in the past here and there, especially of poetry, before the finished work was ready, and I'm afraid my overall efforts have suffered for it.  My unfinished novels are a major focus of mine - that is, if I wouldn't open up a new or saved document and stare blankly at it for minutes on end.  Every idea that comes to mind is fizzled out by that little voice that tells me no one cares about your stupid little stanzas and stories, dummy.  I think that self-defeat is any writer's worst enemy.  If you feel that there is no audience or interest in your work, it makes it difficult to get anything started or finished.

I am scheduled to graduate college this year, earning my Bachelor's Degree this spring.  Work and school have also greatly affected my writing, as most writing I do involves essay questions and reports as of late.  I have applied to the Master's Degree program at my school, and there are a few things I need to finish up to complete the application.  I hope to be in the program by summer or fall.  I sometimes wonder if continuing my education and letting my writing to continue to suffer is wise.  We can never know what we will truly be successful at, can we?  Would I be more successful as a business leader or a writer?  I love both, but I feel that there are more opportunities in the business world.  But is that me?  I enjoy working with people as a team, and there is more solitude in leadership, knowing people are gossiping about you and saying how you think you're all that, guessing at how much money you make, questioning your decisions, etc.  Perhaps most wouldn't worry about what their employees think, but I would want them to be happy.  I have been an employee rather than an employer for most of my career, and I feel that if you do your best to keep your employees happy and take care of them, that they will take pride and ownership in their work, and take care of your customers in turn.  However, I am not certain that many companies agree with such sentiment.

I am sure the answer to the question will be clear upon the approval/disapproval of my application.  Do I concentrate on writing, business leadership, or eventually hope to manage both at some point in my life?  As I said, I'm not quite sure what the future holds just yet, but I hope to embrace whatever is to come, and pursue it at full force.

Until next time!

The New Year, 2016

I have been putting off writing a New Year's blog post, I can't lie about that.  I didn't want to make a post full of well-meaning yet empty promises, and boast of the bountiful glory that a new year promises.  So I am sure that the words that flow from my fingertips from this point on will be a mixed bag ... you have been warned.

I do not wish to be overly negative.  I want to face 2016 with a realistic sort of optimism, should there be such a thing.  However, I have to admit that I am troubled by the potential negatives that could come along with the equally possible opportunities of wonderful and joyous promises a new year may bring.

With new threats of terrorism abroad, and our very own presidential candidates antagonizing the very groups that have threatened and attacked the world throughout the years, I hope that 2016 or even later years can prove to be years of peace.  It is my sincere hope that the world will work toward peace; however, the reality appears gloomy.  Our world needs to find forgiveness and love for our fellow man, rather than leaning toward hatred, anger, being quick to take vengeance.  War, watching our children starve, our people suffer ... none of this is worth the vast disagreements, money, oil, religious and political differences, that the powers that be fight over.

Even in my personal life, I have family and friends that cannot forgive each other for past wrongs.  They tear each other apart, hold grudges, bitterly begrudging one another of the love they once shared.  I, too, have had my share of such grudges in previous years.  I have tried to forgive, and I have mostly succeeded.  I feel closer to my family and to many of my friends than I have in years, what I consider to be a hard-won rekindling of such relationships.  However, ugliness and feuding threatens to rear its filthy head my way once more, which saddens me greatly.  It is sad that, not necessarily to paraphrase an old song from the 80's (Patty Smyth and Don Henley, you know I'm talking about you), but love simply isn't enough in such cases, and I find it so incredibly sad and disheartening.  It breaks my heart that such horrible things have to happen that tear people apart, and the ripple effects are tragically astounding.

When people feel used and betrayed, and feel as though they are doing all the work in a friendship or other relationship, it certainly does cause a rift.  The damage can often be irreparable.  No one likes to feel tossed aside, or even worse, made the enemy in such situations.  I was never one for conflict and am more likely to make attempts to be a peacemaker, but it is certainly never an ideal place to be a third party to such matters.  However, being directly involved in the conflict is another matter altogether.  Feeling that someone you trust is doing everything they can to go against you, use you, and betray you is quite the form of torture.

Unfortunately, the year has started out with such angst, on several levels.  I pray for resolutions, peace, and a release from such anxieties for myself, my friends, and my family.  I pray that these wounds will heal and that the damage will not be long-lasting and scarring to the people I love.

I think I may have failed at the trying not to be overly negative part.  My apologies.  It happens.

What I do strive for in 2016 is to continue my education, do well at my career, improve my writing and produce more literary works, and enrich the friendships and relationships I have worked to attain and maintain over the years.  The blessings of 2015 have far outweighed the negatives, thus far.  It is my hope that 2016 will be more of the same, for all of us.

Please do not let the errors and heartache of past years cloud your judgement, hopes, and dreams going into 2016.  Seek goodness in the world and in each other.  My blessings to you all this New Year!

The Music World

On Thursday, December 3, 2015, the world bid farewell to Scott Weiland, a gifted yet troubled vocalist who had been in the music industry since at least 1986.  I, along with many others, was very saddened by his passing.  I have to admit that I had been watching his story for many years now.  I grew up a huge Stone Temple Pilots fan in the 90's, since I was about 13 or 14 years old.  I do not wish to speak ill of the deceased, but I had watched and read stories of his being very late for concerts, disappointing fans and his bandmates alike, which lead to his eventual ousting from Stone Temple Pilots.  He started his own band, which at least prevented him from being kicked out of another band.  The music from his new band was commendable, to be sure.  I'm just not sure that anything could have saved Scott from himself.  I'm not sure if he saw that he had a problem, with drugs, alcohol, the rock-star life.  And if one doesn't see a problem, the problem and its ailments cannot be corrected.

In any case, it is my hope that Scott Weiland will be remembered for his contributions to rock music, and to the music world itself.  I was dismayed in the 90's to hear comparisons between Pearl Jam and Stone Temple Pilots.  I admired and enjoyed both bands, to be sure.  STP, which was previously known as Mighty Joe Young, had a more unique sound to me, more ethereal at times, and all at once more driving, as can be heard in such songs as "Wicked Garden" and "Where the River Goes," and nearly any other song found on their album Core.  Core is an album that, to this very day, I can listen to without interruption or skipping over any songs, and be as completely mystified by its chords, drumbeats, and Scott's sometimes roaring, sometimes lulling and gentle voice, as I was at my first listen roughly 20 years ago.

Music has been a large part of my life since I was a very small child.  I not only wanted to utilize this blog post as a tribute to Scott Weiland, but also to remember what various songs, regardless of genre, have meant to me over the years.  I have compiled a list of the top 5 songs for each category listed below, ranging from what evokes certain memories of a decade to the mood and emotion, as well.

Take Me Back to the 80's:

1. Van Halen ~ Jump
2. Madonna ~ Material Girl
3. Level 42 ~ Something About You
4. Cyndi Lauper ~ Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
5. Damn Yankees ~ High Enough

Take Me Back to the 90's:

1. Nirvana ~ Lithium
2. Stone Temple Pilots ~ Plush
3. En Vogue ~ Don't Let Go
4. Salt N Pepa ~ None of Your Business
5. The Offspring ~ Come Out and Play

Make Me Cry (Every. Time.):

1. Michael Jackson ~ Man in the Mirror
2. Phil Collins ~ Against All Odds
3. Dionne Warwick ~ That's What Friends Are For
4. Whitney Houston ~ I Will Always Love You
5. Pearl Jam ~ Last Kiss

Make My Day:

1. Sam Cooke ~ Cupid
2. Len ~ Steal My Sunshine
3. America ~ Ventura Highway
4. The Eagles ~ Already Gone
5. Madonna ~ Borderline

Most Memorable Music Videos:

1. Genesis ~ Land of Confusion
2. Gorillaz ~ Clint Eastwood
3. Eurythmics ~ Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)
4. Bonnie Tyler ~ Total Eclipse of the Heart
5. Pearl Jam ~ Jeremy

Music should and does evoke a variety of emotions and memories within us.  It can also help us deal with our own happiness, sadness, inner turmoil, or it can even help us forget what troubles us.  I suppose it would be overly simplistic to think that music can also heal those who produce it.

Thank you for the music you provided us, and rest in peace, Scott Weiland.  

Weight Loss and MyFitnessPal App Review

As many of my friends and family know, I have been working on a lifestyle change of sorts since April of this year, 2015.  I have lost approximately 30 pounds.  While my weight loss has slowed in the past few months, I have maintained a steady weight loss of approximately 2-3 pounds per month (my goal is currently 1 pound per week).

I started out this life at a scrawny 6 pounds, 5 ounces.  I was a skinny kid up until I was about 5 years old.  That's when I started what would be a lifelong struggle with being overweight.  Being overweight/obese can very much be an obstacle, however you want to look at it.  My weight has been up and down most of my life.  And for the majority of the time, I freely admit to being in the wrong mindset regarding goals to reach a healthy weight.

For anyone who wants to get serious about being at a healthy weight, it is wise to consider to put yourself in the right mindset first. You have to want it, and you have to want it for the right reasons.  To just jump in feet first without realizing what you're getting into and what you might be setting yourself up for may have very unsatisfactory results.

Some friends referred me to a free app called MyFitnessPal.  I downloaded it to my phone back in April.  You put in your current height, weight, and the amount of weight per week you wish to lose.  This information is calculated and the app determines how many calories you can take in a day to reach your desired goal.  It allows the user to input food items for meals and snacks, and it even has a function that scans the barcode of food items and even supplements (vitamins, fish oil capsules, etc.).  You can also enter exercise information or download apps that communicate this information to MyFitnessPal, which calculates this information into calories burned and subtracts it from your caloric total for the day.  For example, I use an app called Pacer (the icon looks like a shoe), which is basically a pedometer, and it interacts with MyFitnessPal quite well.  I'd like to point out that the latest MyFitnessPal upgrade now allows you to choose from your overall food list, especially frequent items, for all meals, not just for the meal you typically eat said food item.  That comes in handy for someone like me who doesn't just eat eggs and cereal for breakfast, but at any given time of the day.

Dieting, fasting, and avoiding most foods are not long-term methods of weight loss.  There is nothing wrong with eating what you want.  Moderation works.  Making yourself accountable for what you eat and your activity levels works.  You have to find what works for you and make sure these are changes you can live with for the rest of your life.

Here is a rundown of my rating(s) of MyFitnessPal app on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best:

User-friendliness:  9.5
Interoperability (with other apps): 9
Accuracy:  9.8
Functionality:  9.6
Overall score:  9.5

MyFitnessPal is a considerably user-friendly app that allows users to track their eating and exercise habits.  It is considerably interoperable with other applications that are designed to work with it.  For the most part, the food, drink, and exercise caloric information are accurate; however, the user should be aware that some of these entries are entered by other users and must be cross-referenced to ensure accuracy, or else scan or use entries with a green "verified" check mark.  Overall, this is a highly recommended app for those interested in losing or maintaining weight through tracking food consumption and exercise activities.

Until next time!